There are no Jungle Book attractions in any Disney park. Zero.
Now, you might say, “But, but, what about Mickey and the Magical Map?”, to which I would respond, “shut it, sniveler.” One strange and subtly racist musical number is hardly a dedicated attraction, and no way to treat a timeless classic.
And what makes The Jungle Book a timeless classic? Probably its use of language like “gee whiz” and “yeah man,” or maybe it’s its curiously mop-top – looking bird quartet.
No, the correct way to treat a timeless classic such as this is with a Fantasyland-style dark ride. Or, failing that, a restaurant.
Luckily, deep in the jungle of the greatest Adventureland in the greatest Magic Kingdom lies the greatest Colonel Hathi’s Pizza Outpost.
Colonel Hathi was once a walkaround character. No really!
But this is no way to treat a timeless classic! HUP two three four, KEEP IT UP two three four over to Colonel Hathi’s, where the food is prepared in the military style. That is, in the counter service style.
Here they serve pizza, pasta, salads, and lasagna (or lasagne, if you like spelling it exotically, or incorrectly), just like you’d find in the jungle. I suppose they can’t very well serve elephant burgers.
The restroom is next to the counter and has an outside entrance as well. During lunchtime hours, it tends to take on the olfactory characteristics of an elephant. But, this is a nice alternative to its free-standing next-door neighbor. That place is generally crowded due to its proximity to an e-ticket.
So remember, man-cubs are allowed in this part of the jungle. Enjoy your jungle-pizza, and see you soon!